I wonder if we've been looking narrowly or even wrongly, for evidence that we are truly a civilized society, showcasing our bathrooms and inventions. Have we overcomplicated what it means to be human living on this planet? Are we a civilized people? Because of our advances in technology? Old people are dying alone, often bankrupt. Young people wondering what they were even born for and look at life as one misery after another, enhanced when they feel overlooked, unworthy, even sorry to take up space. Many people are in rooms full of people, yet feel no sense of community care at all. They leave exhausted from covert competitiveness and holding their smile mask. Many people are touched starved, hungry for truly authentic touch. People isolated from the world, disconnected and untrusting.
This doctor, Dr. Brand, attended a lecture given by Margaret Mead and recounts this profound experience in his books. Here is her answer to the definition of a civilized society:
"Early in my career I heard a lecture from the anthropologist Margaret Mead. “What would you say is the earliest sign of civilization?” she asked, naming a few options. A clay pot? Tools made of iron? The first domesticated plants? “These are all early signs,” she continued, “but here is what I believe to be evidence of the earliest true civilization.” High above her head she held a human femur, the largest bone in the leg, and pointed to a grossly thickened area where the bone had been fractured, and then solidly healed.
“Such signs of healing are never found among the remains of the earliest, fiercest societies. In their skeletons we find clues of violence: a rib pierced by an arrow, a skull crushed by a club. But this healed bone shows that someone must have cared for the injured person—hunted on his behalf, brought him food, served him at personal sacrifice.” --“Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants” Dr. Paul Brand
So inventing fire and wheel, although helpful in easing the work to stay alive, were not the most important signs of a civilized society. A civilized society is recognized by our ability to care for another person, sometimes at great peril. That's community. Let me put this paragraph a different way.
So inventing new devices and technology, although helpful in easing the work to stay alive, is not the most important indicator of a civilized society? The evidence of a civilized society is found when we are able to care for another person, sometimes at great peril.
What keeps us from this care? Because this is different for most people, I will leave this question to stand. What keeps us from demonstrating this care? Some will say, I will love the world through this charity and that is enough. Some will say, my community is my family and my unconditional love stops there, because there is merit, there is shared blood. Sometimes a person will demonstrate care to member of a group affiliation (religion, sports, school etc.). This is a great start. Yet underlying so much community is judgements and opinions--a veil that clouds our perception of another. "I will care if this person is worthy." How do I love community members that are harmful, hurtful, or further still, have been malicious and cruel? Let's talk about this questions here because this really is the crux of it.
How do I love community members that are harmful, hurtful, or further still, have been malicious and cruel?
Where there is an absence of kind behavior, there is a human suffering. Have you met a peaceful person that was also mean? Why do we throw away people that show themselves to be destructive? Where is the healing in punitive retribution? I can't recall a single time in history where retribution worked out well and aided society. Even if you build a whole community based on a common hate, eventually the community will turn on each other. So we must love the unloveable. And we love genuinely, without expectation of change or self congratulations. We fill a dry well. We mirror the care they are unable to show themselves, much less the people and world around them.
The reassurance that another is there, or better, a whole community is present, loving them just as they are is deeply healing for everyone involved. If our desire is for a healthy, loving community, no one can be left out. We must want peace, health and security for our fellow person if we are to live in a sustainable world. How can we possibly solve larger human crisis if the microcosm, the people making up community, are suffering greatly?
It's important to note also how often we narrow people down with labels and how destructive this can be to community. "This person cheated." "This person is a liar." "This person is a drug addict." Yes, a person may have cheated, lied and is addicted to drugs..maybe multiple times. Yet this person is just as dynamic and complicated as you are. They may be a destructive mess in one area of their life, or one time in their life, yet factually, for most people, this is not all of their behavior. They have moments of generosity, sweetness, goodness too. Yet once a person is labelled, every time you interact with this person, you are not interacting with a dynamic, glorious human being, you are interacting with this label made for them and the energy of the interaction will show it.
"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe." -The Art of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness and Peace, Jack Kornfield
There is another post to be made about forgiveness, but for now, I will lay this topic down.
It gives me great joy to see so many understanding that to have true community, we embrace every human that comes into our space with joy, dignity and compassion. We drop competing, comparing and enjoy each other, build each other up, support and cherish our shared humanity, the entire beautiful mess.
Much Love,
Parker
